I Can Picture You And Me
by smc-27
Summary: Maybe his best speech, his most convincing effort to win her, was lost at a stupid masquerade ball. If you don't stop me, I'm going to kiss you. He's never had the nerve to use that line again. But dammit, he wants to. Nate/Serena Oneshot


**A/N:** I watched the final episode of season 1 the other day, and there was such a great opening there for some Nate/Serena. We all know how that turned out. I decided to write my own version of that summer. This is my first Nate/Serena, and actually my first full-out Gossip Girl fic. Let me know what you think.

**----**

They've never had more than this.

Maybe his best speech, his most convincing effort to win her, was lost at a stupid masquerade ball. _If you don't stop me, I'm going to kiss you_. He's never had the nerve to use that line again. But damn, he wants to.

It's not love. It can't be - they were never really allowed - and even if it was, he feels he'd be in it alone. She's had a hard year; a hard life really. He doesn't know what the deal is with her and Dan, and he can't ask because he's not sure he wants to hear the answer. If it's over, he has to make a choice. Be with her and risk losing her, or just let her do her thing and see if she comes back to him; kind of like he's been doing all along. If she's not over Dan - if she doesn't know if she wants to get over Dan - not having a choice to make would hurt him even more.

So maybe it's not love. Even if it's not, it's _something_, and he wants that _something_. That whatever it is. He _wants_ that with her.

From the moment he sees her the day Chuck and Blair leave for the summer, he knows that something is still there. The thing he's tried to push away and hide from and say doesn't exist. It all comes back to him. _You know how I get in the summer_, she says. He knows. Oh, does he know.

It's probably in anticipation of the coming months that he asks her right then and there if she wants to spend time with him. He feels it change as she swirls her blonde hair around and shoves him as she speaks. He sips his iced coffee and tries not to laugh at the utterly ridiculous things she says.

There's something so innocent, so endearing about her, despite all he knows she's done.

And even if he's not in love with her, he's certainly in _something_.

----

It's not even the first of July the first time they seem to forget that they're just friends.

It's their first night in the Hamptons, and Nate would laugh if it wasn't so damn...almost sad, really. His mom is in Europe, and he's a little upset that she isn't there to see him (she hasn't seen him since March, and he's trying not to be offended). He doesn't want to admit it to anyone, but this whole situation with his family is affecting him more than he's letting on.

Lily and Erik have stayed in the city with Bart to work on some things at the new apartment. They're things Serena couldn't care less about, so she told them she was leaving for the Hamptons, and Bart had a car drive her out there. When she passed Nate's house, she smiled to herself. She wasn't sure why.

When he calls her, it's simply because he needs someone to talk to and he knows she's around; around meaning, in the country. He also knows she'll listen. He also knows that if anyone understands family dysfunction, it's Serena.

He also hasn't seen her in a week, and he's kind of been missing her for that entire time. Probably before then, too.

He really doesn't expect her to tell him that she'll be over soon. He didn't know she was already around; that she'd left the city. He can't say spending the night with her, just talking, is awful.

She shows up and her cheeks are pink and she's out of breath. Her long hair is wavy and wild, and she's wearing just a pair of cutoff shorts, flip flops, and a loose tank top with a black bra underneath.

"Hey!" she says breathlessly. "I ran."

"Why?" he asks with a laugh, gesturing for her to step inside.

"Why not?" Well, she has him there. He just shakes his head and smiles. "What's up?"

"Nothing," he says, trying to be convincing. She knows him, though, and the way she looks at him lets him know she doesn't buy it. "I guess I just...I'm all alone here, and you're all alone over there, and...We said we could be alone together, so..."

"Right," she laughs. She smiles and winks at him, and he knows she knows, but she won't say anything more unless he brings it up. "You have any food? You'd think Bart Bass' limo would stock some cookies or something, but _no_."

"Come on," he says, walking towards the kitchen. "At least mom stocked the fridge before she took off to Prague."

"Hey," she says, placing her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Nate."

He shrugs and tries to smile, surprised when he actually does (he knows that has everything to do with her), and says, "It's okay. I've got you around now, right?"

"You do," she says. "And if you have some sort of cold alcoholic beverage, you'll keep me around."

"Good girl Serena _drinking_?" he asks, faking shock. "_What_ will everyone _think_?"

"I don't have to be a good girl with you."

Oh, how true it is.

"I don't think you ever are," he says teasingly. Her jaw drops and he laughs as she punches his arm.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, Nathaniel Archibald." Her eyes light up when she sees vodka coolers - the cheap kind - on the bottom shelf of the fridge. "Vodka!"

"Wow," he says, shaking his head. "She _hasn't_ changed."

"Oh, shut up." She heads to the drawer with the bottle opener, where it's always been kept, and he smiles to himself.

God, it's good to be around her again.

She watches him stand with his arm raised, holding the refrigerator door open, his back to her and his grey tee shirt riding up a little bit. She can see the band of his boxers and the top of his jeans, and she reminds herself that he's always been this attractive, she just didn't want to let herself see it. He had Blair, then she had Dan, and she couldn't be looking at Nate this way. But now he's got no one, and she's got no one, and maybe noticing the way his clothes fit him perfectly isn't so wrong anymore.

"Good news," he announces, turning around and slamming the fridge door dramatically. "We have frozen pizza."

"Mmm." She's sipping her drink and sitting atop the kitchen counter, her legs crossed at the ankle.

He swears he's 13 again.

He takes the bottle she hands him and when he eyes it skeptically, she assures him that it's actually not bad, and when he takes a sip, he tells her he's convinced. It's certainly not what they're used to. That's probably why they both love it so much; they've always been the two who could take or leave the expensive labels and everything that came with being born into money.

And this is them in summer. They're supposed to do things a little differently. They always have.

He stands across from her as they make idle chat and wait for their food to cook. She doesn't talk about Dan, and he doesn't ask questions. She asks him about his dad, and he tenses a little, but tells her the whole story, making her promise that she won't say anything. Of course, she promises, even holding out her pinky to him to ensure him she's serious.

"Nate, I'm sorry," she says sincerely after they've finished eating. "I didn't realize things were that bad."

"Yeah, well...I don't think I wanted to see it either," he admits, maybe really for the first time. "But...well, what would life be if our families didn't screw it up for us, right?"

"Still. I feel like I've been a bad friend."

"It's not like you had an easy year, either," he reminds her.

"But you were there for me when I needed you with the whole...Pete thing."

His eyes meet hers and he smiles at her, that perfect smile that melts her heart a little bit, and he says, "and you're here for me now."

She smiles back and gives him one single, emphatic nod. She realizes they've both got empty bottles, and she hops down off the counter to reach for two more. She brushes up against his arm as he loads the dishwasher, but he doesn't think much of it; doesn't let himself.

"Come on. Let's go outside," she says, and he has no idea why she's suggesting it, but he says yes. Of course.

They sit down on the grass, because they both know that was what was going to happen. They'd be laying down if that didn't make it impossible to drink their drinks. She clinks her bottle against his and laughs right before they take sips. He's not sure what she's laughing about, but he's happy that she's smiling.

It's then that she notices that she smiles a lot when she's around him.

"Know what's crazy?" he asks, speaking again before she can interject. "You and I kind of...lost each other this year. And we can still sit here together and it's not weird at all."

"Well, I think the only people either of us didn't screw over or piss off this year was each other," she says, making him laugh.

"Maybe."

"And we're Nate and Serena," she says, shrugging one shoulder like it's just that simple to explain.

It kind of is.

He takes a deep breath and nods before taking a sip of his drink. "Yeah."

He reaches out and takes her hand in his, and this time, she doesn't pull it away. She dares him to chug his drink, and he says he'll do it if she does. Of course, she does. They both pound the contents of their bottles, and they're laughing as they toss the empties aside. She slips her hand into his again when they lay on their backs, and she moves a little closer to him.

He doesn't know what makes him do it, but he leans over and kisses her hair, and she toys with the bottom of his tee shirt at his hip, and for a split second, he lets himself think they could be a couple.

Maybe he's got no one, and she's got no one.

Or maybe they have each other.

----

He hasn't told anyone, but the reason he and Vanessa didn't even give it an honest shot is because she questioned whether or not he was over Serena.

He couldn't tell her he was.

Two weeks into the summer, the first time Serena kisses him, he _knows_ that he isn't over her.

It's a silly situation that he really shouldn't take to mean as much as it does. They're playing in the ocean, splashing around and acting far younger than their age. She's wearing a bikini that matches her eyes identically, a pony tail and a smile, and he catches her after she's splashed him particularly harshly.

"That was just wrong," he tells her. His arms are draped loosely around her waist, and they both know she could get away from him if she wanted to.

She kind of doesn't want to.

"Aww. Did I mess up Natie's hair?" she asks patronizingly, pouting at him.

"You take it back, Serena van der Woodsen," he says, faking seriousness.

"Or what?"

"Or...I don't know," he admits, making them both laugh. "Nothing bad."

"No?"

"Never."

It's a promise far more serious than it should be or it needs to be, and he doesn't care at all. She smiles at him and he knows the look in her eyes, though maybe he really shouldn't. It's the look she gets right before she kisses him.

And then she kisses him.

It's just once, and it's quick, and he barely has a chance to kiss her back. Then she's pushing at his chest and swimming away from him, kicking her legs and splashing him even more.

But he can't be mad at her.

----

"It's too hot," she whines, fanning herself with her menu.

"Alright, hang on. I'll go tell them to turn down the sun," he says jokingly, and she rolls her eyes at him. "You're the one who wanted sushi."

"You should have made me stay inside."

"I tried!" he says with a laugh. "You wouldn't let me. In fact, _you_ made me put on clothes and leave my bed."

It's true. It's all true. She'd shown up at his house just after noon to find him laying in his bed in just his boxers, sleeping away the day. She watched him for a moment, taking in the contours of his body - so different from the last time she really looked - and the way his chest rose and fell with his every breath, and the way his hair was mussed. The way he clutched his pillow, just as he always had, and the way it looked like he was almost smiling in his sleep.

Then she'd jumped on his bed and woken him and told him he was going to lunch with her.

"You could have said no," she tells him, smiling across the table.

"Right," he scoffs. "No one says no to Serena."

"Oh, please. You could if you really wanted to," she says.

They both know he can't.

Couldn't.

Never would.

----

He finds her pretending she isn't crying the day GossipGirl reports that Lonely Boy has a new girl. Maybe to all of their surprise, it's not Vanessa. Nate secretly thinks that Vanessa is probably in her apartment trying not to cry, too. He always thought that maybe if Dan had been single, Vanessa wouldn't have been interested in Nate at all.

"Hey," he says softly, sitting next to her on her plush bed. She's got the A/C turned up high, and she's burrowed into her sheets and blankets, and just her head is poking out.

"Hi."

"You okay?" He can't resist the urge to reach over and brush the hair away from her face, and she closes her eyes and keeps them closed. "No?"

"Not really."

"I'm sorry," he says, though they both know he has nothing to be sorry about. "You want to be alone?"

"Not really," she repeats. She lets herself smile at him a little bit, and he nods his head just slightly. "Stay."

"Okay," he whispers.

He climbs over her and pulls her into his arms, and he's not entirely sure why. He just knows that he wants to, and that he'll do anything to make her feel better, and that maybe she told him to stay because she knew he'd do this very thing.

She immediately feels better, and she wonders why she didn't just call him over in the first place. She should have known Nate would heal her a little bit. She should have known that he'd ask vague questions and not pry and do whatever he could to help her, which usually ended up being the most simple thing of all. She lets herself relax against him, loving the way his chest feels all pressed up against her back, and she closes her eyes.

Dan who?

"You know, it could be worse," he says after a while. She turns to him and glares. "He could have had sex with your best friend."

She lets out that amazing _Serena_ laugh and he smiles in accomplishment.

"Dan and Blair?" she manages through her laugher. "Can you see it?"

"You know? I almost can," he says. "He's so broody and she's so bitchy. I always thought maybe Dan just needed someone to push him around."

"Hey!"

"I didn't say you were the one who should do it," he tells her.

He knows she'll hear in that, that maybe she's not the one for Dan, and Dan's not the one for her. Maybe Dan was her first love (though Nate likes - and wants - to think he, himself, was her first love) and that's all he'll ever be. She won't forget him, but she doesn't need him anymore either.

"Where would I be without you, Natie?" she asks.

He doesn't answer. He doesn't know what to say. He just nudges her hair away from her temple with his nose, nuzzles against her just a little, and kisses her forehead in a way that, to anyone but the two of them, would seem innocent.

"Thank you," she whispers.

She doesn't need to thank him. They both know that much.

----

She's made a habit of coming over before he's awake and climbing into bed with him. He hasn't complained, not once. Sometimes he'll pretend to be asleep so she'll cuddle a little closer to him, thinking he's not awake to notice. Or he'll hear her walking into his bedroom, and open his eyes just in time to see her coming towards him. They'll both smile, but rarely say anything until she's laying down with him.

He really doesn't know why she does it. He hasn't asked.

Truthfully? She doesn't know why she does it either.

It's just that he's _Nate_. He's _her_ Nate. And he lets her do it. He kind of lets her do whatever she wants. She loves him for that. She thinks maybe of all the things she might maybe love him for, she might maybe love him for that most. He'll let her do what she wants, but he'll be right there with her to help her if she needs it. She's kind of been doing the same thing for him this summer.

He's awake one morning, but he's laying in bed as though he's been waiting for her, and she smiles at him when she steps into the room. She bounds towards the bed, making him laugh and move over so she can lay down. She's facing him this time, and their legs and arms get all tangled together and their breaths mingle, and Nate kisses the tip of her nose.

"There's a bunch of freckles there."

"Ugh. I hate my freckles," she says, covering her face with her hand.

He pulls her hand away and keeps it in his. "I love them."

She closes her eyes and stirs a little, trying to get (more) comfortable in his big bed. He doesn't know why, but he wants to kiss her again. He kisses her forehead, then her cheek, then her nose again. She opens her eyes and he can tell she's smiling. So he kisses her lips just gently, and he doesn't know if he should be surprised that she kisses him back.

She moves a little closer, and he pulls her flush against him with his hand on her back, then she runs her hand through his hair as she parts her lips. She wonders if kissing Nate always felt this good and she just wasn't in any frame of mind to realize it.

He pulls away after a few minutes, and they both laugh softly and rest their foreheads against one another. Neither says a word before they're kissing again.

That's how they spend the rest of their morning; wrapped up in his bed and in one another, kissing just because they want to, and not questioning any of it.

They're so much smarter than this.

----

"Serena, I'm not going in there," he says defiantly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Natie, _please_." She bats her lashes and gives him her best 'give me what I want' look, and he's rolling his eyes and sighing. He really can't say no. Especially not when she calls him _Natie_ and looks at him that way. "Yay!"

"I'm picking it out." It's a bargaining tool that's far more intimate than it should be. He doesn't really care.

They're standing outside a lingerie store, and they've spent the last five minutes arguing over whether or not he was going to go inside. He didn't want to. Not because he's embarrassed or anything, but because he'll picture her in every single thing she looks at, and that's a dangerous game. But, she's insisted she needs a new satin nightgown, and while neither is really sure why she needs to do it with him there, she's got his hand in hers and she's pulling him towards the store.

"You're the only one who'll see it anyway," she rationalizes, walking backwards through the door. The look on her face is devious and sexy and he wants kiss her.

They've been doing a lot of that; kissing. Nothing more. Little pecks here or there, or hour long make-outs when they should be watching movies or trying to get to sleep. They're each basically the only person the other has, so they basically do what they want. What they want is to kiss, evidently.

She doesn't let go of his hand the whole time they're in the store, and she's waiting for him to tell her what he wants her to buy.

And he's completely nervous. He really doesn't know why. Maybe because the idea of Serena buying lingerie that he's chosen, that he wants to see her in, is so damn sexy he shouldn't even be permitted to think about it.

"Come on, Nate. Don't be shy," Serena giggles.

"I'm not!" he insists. "I'm being...picky."

She raises her brow and grins at him. "What colour?"

"Blue," he answers without missing a beat.

"Blue?" she asks, making a face at him.

"Yup. Brings out your eyes."

She reaches for a few items, then drops his hand and rushes into the fitting room. Nate smiles and nods at the women who are looking at him, and he's not entirely sure why they're paying so much attention to him. Sure, he's a young man in a lingerie store. Sure, he's just waiting now.

And then when Serena returns, all eyes are on her, and he knows that they were all looking at him because he's with her. She's beautiful and fearless and it's impossible for everyone not to look at her. He's perfectly fine with that knowledge.

"I'm getting all three," she announces, walking towards the register.

"Model them for me later?" he asks her, leaning down to speak into her ear. His hand is on her hip and she laughs and shakes her head no.

They both know she's bluffing.

They're both unaware of when he got so bold. She definitely likes it, though.

He tells her he'll wait outside, and she bites the inside of her bottom lip a little bit. She doesn't want to want Nate. It's never been right. There's always been something or someone, or a lot of somethings or someones in their way. But now, this summer, just the two of them and the sun and their history and all these little moments, it seems like maybe there's nothing standing in their way anymore.

When they get back to her place, they head to her bedroom immediately, and she drops the bag and flops down on her bed.

"All that shopping tired you out, huh?"

"It's _hot_ out," she complains, fanning herself with her hand.

"It's _summer_," he says, mimicking her inflection. He sits next to her and she glares at him playfully.

He wants to kiss her. Actually, the way her shirt has ridden up, and how her stomach is exposed, and the way she's got the button of her denim shorts undone and the waistband rolled down...well, he wants to do a lot more than kiss her. He knows he could if he wanted to. Well, of course, it'd be her call, too. But as far as third parties go, they're in the clear. He could lean over and kiss her and unzip her shorts and... He could.

"I'm gonna go," he says.

He's chickening out. Just like he always seems to do with her. The thing is, it's almost too much, too big and too important with her, to just do it and let things go where they go. He and Serena deserve more than that from one another. Or at least he thinks so.

"Nate," she says, almost pouting. "Why?"

"I..."

"I have to model, _dahling_," she says, sitting up and flipping her hair dramatically. He laughs just almost uncomfortably, and she kinks her brow. "What?"

"Nothing! Nothing."

"Was it the accent? It was the accent."

"Serena." He shakes his head and chuckles and she reaches for his hand and forces him to sit next to her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just...you." Her face changes and he regrets his choice of words. But, well, he's never been so eloquent when it comes to matters of the heart. "I mean you and me."

"What about you and me?" she asks quietly. She's afraid she knows the answer.

"We've been...doing this, but we aren't..."

"Doing what?" she asks. "We've been having fun. It's summer!"

"But it's...Don't you think it's more than that, Serena?" He turns to her a little bit, and it scares him that he can't read the look on her face. "It's _us_. It's never just...kissing."

"Nate..."

"Maybe we should...just be friends," he says. He's very aware of how lame that sounds. He's also very aware that it's true. He wouldn't even have suggested it if she hadn't just said his name the way she said it. That tone was always her way of letting a guy down easy.

"Okay," she says softly.

He nods his head and takes a breath as he stands, and he's left her room when she realizes it.

She might not want to just be friends with Nate. And maybe he's crazy to think they ever were. Or they ever could be.

----

It surprises her how easily they slip back into being 'just friends'. Of course, she knows that they aren't, really. They just aren't kissing. As much as she misses that, the feel of his lips on hers, she hasn't said anything. It's what he wants, so she'll let him have it. She thinks that's the way it's always been with the two of them. They're better and worse to each other than they are to anyone else, because they know they can be.

It gets even easier when both Blair and Chuck come home towards the end of the summer. They get in just in time for the annual White Party, and Serena finds herself thankful. No one needs too know what did or didn't happen between she and Nate that summer, but having someone else to spend some time with sounds just about perfect.

"Whoa."

She spins around from where she was looking at herself in the mirror, and she sees Nate standing in the doorway to her bedroom.

"Hey," she says, flashing that perfect smile at him. "What do you think?" She suspects the 'whoa' means he likes the dress, but she has to make conversation. She doesn't trust herself not to just kiss him if she doesn't. He's standing there in his jeans and dark grey tee shirt, and he looks amazing. "Too much?"

"No," he answers quickly, walking towards her. "Not too much." He doesn't know why, but he stands behind her and turns her around so she's facing the mirror again, and he rests his hand on her hip. He looks at their reflection, blue eyes and perfectly messy hair on the both of them, and he says the only thing he can think to say; "It's perfect."

The white floor-length dress is absolutely stunning on her. He isn't one for clichés, but it he was, he'd say she looks like an angel. She's standing there in her bare feet, her blue eyes shining and her long blonde hair falling around her shoulders. She's got on some sort of pink lip gloss and a bracelet of a piece of blue yarn that he 'made' for her at the beginning of the summer. It's tied tight and it's been there since he put it on her. He happens to think it's the perfect accessory for this dress that probably costs more than he even wants to imagine.

"You wanna go to this thing together?" she asks. She likes the way his hand feels on her hip, and she's glad he hasn't moved it. For whatever reason, so feels like they look amazing together. She's never really realized it before this moment.

"You're going to look a million times better than me," he says with a laugh.

She knows that's a yes.

He brushes the hair away from her shoulder and kisses her skin gently. She doesn't think she's ever felt something so innocent and so sexy at the same time. That kind of sums him up for her. It kind of sums _them_ up for her.

He leaves her bedroom after a short conversation, and she has no idea why he came over in the first place. She smiles when she realizes that if she hadn't asked him to go with her to the party, he would have asked her. She hears him talking to her mother, always polite, he is, and then she looks out her window just in time to see him leaving.

He comes back later that day to pick her up for this party, and she promptly points out that she's wearing a beautiful dress and it took her an hour to do her hair, and he's in white pants and a white tee shirt. He tells her she looks amazing, so whatever effort she put into it was worth it.

That certainly makes her feel better.

They're laughing together and she's just shoved him a little, playfully, after he's made some teasing comment, and he sees the last person he expected to see. The last person he wants to see.

Dan Freaking Humphrey.

"Oh my God," she whispers when she notices the boy across the lawn. Her blue eyes look at Nate pleadingly, and she bites the corner of her lip. "Nate."

He can't think of anything to say; any convincing argument for her to stay with him and not pay any attention to the guy who broke her heart. The only reason Dan would even be at this party would be to win her back, and they both know it. Nate doesn't know if it's possible at this point. He gets the feeling she doesn't know, either.

The only thing he thinks will make any difference to her at all is if he kisses her and lets that speak for him. His words from all those moths ago, with that case of mistaken identity, are repeating in his head. _If you don't stop me, I'm going to kiss you_. He doesn't say it. He doesn't say anything.

He just puts his hand on her hip to bring her closer, places his palm on her cheek, and kisses her before she can protest or say anything at all. She kisses him back immediately, because it's Nate and she'd be crazy not to, and dammit, she's _missed_ kissing him.

Neither knows how long it lasts, but they're both aware that it's far too passionate a kiss for the situation and the amount of company they're with. It's far too passionate given that her ex-boyfriend is now standing 20 feet away, looking heartbroken and surprised and just this side of pathetic.

"What are you doing?" Serena asks, a little breathlessly. She brings her hand up to touch her lips. She can still feel his kiss. A kiss from Nate always stays with her a little longer than normal.

"You shouldn't be with him," he says softly.

"And who should I be with, Nate?" She looks up and their eyes meet. Oceans and skies and love and all those other things that always collide between them. "You?"

And there's a huge part of her that's thinking that very thing.

"Yes," he says quietly, but with conviction.

Her face is blank for a moment, and he hates it. Well, he doesn't hate it; he never could. He just wishes she'd say something. He wishes he knew what she was thinking. But it's probably only five seconds of silence. Then she smiles at him.

She throws her arms around his neck so she's all pressed up against him, and she kisses him with a grin on her lips. He doesn't say anything more, and she doesn't need him to.

**----**


End file.
